My friend at work today told me about 63336 – where you can text any question to that number and an answer comes back. I think there’s quite a few of those types of things out there now. Anyway, first, I text it something quite harmless – asking if goldfish sleep (we were having a goldfish discussion.) It came back with a really good reply about them having no eyelids so they can’t sleep but they do enter a kind of trance where they rest. Then I asked it something a bit rude – who has the biggest penis in the world. Turns out it’s Jonah Falcon – and his “item” – actually, no, I don’t know why I’m using euphemisms – his willy is 13.5 inches long. Although as my friend said – what state that is in we don’t know.
The funny thing was that both of these answers were written in a completely individual way. It was clear I hadn’t been sent an automated response, it had been written in a personal kind of style. So I thought – let’s ask it something different, something a bit more subjective – and, most importantly, a question that I did actually want an answer to. I asked it “Is it stupid to call yourself a writer when you have written novels but they haven’t yet been published.” A few moments later my phone vibrated and there was the answer – “It’s not stupid to call yourself a writer as you have written novels. You don’t need to be published to be a writer.” A nice, simple, to the point answer. The interesting thing for me was that the question was really, at it’s heart subjective. It hadn’t have an answer you can find on wikipedia, it wasn’t a yes or a no. So someone must have been sitting there, received my question and then somehow come to the conclusion that no, it wasn’t stupid. And the funny thing was, it satisfied me! It made me happy, I liked that answer – I felt better about myself.
I mean who is that person at the end of the phone? Who is it receiving my question, who was it that answered my writing question? A boy? A girl? Gay? Straight? Young? Old? Do they write? And I wonder how they came to the answer they came to? I’m so curious now about the kinds of questions you could ask. The problem is that it’s £1.50 a time, so I won’t be doing many more. What if you asked it why you cry yourself to sleep every night? Or why you had a brain tumour? Or why your partner had to die in that car accident? Would that same person who answered my penis and writing and goldfish questions sit there and answer questions like that? With authority? The thing is, they’ve said that you can ask them anything – and that’s a dangerous invitation. What if you asked them something personal? How big are your boobs if it’s a girl, or how big is your willy if it’s a boy? How many times do you masturbate a week? I mean it’s a question isn’t it – and they said they would answer anything! How far could this go?
So, a dare for you, my intrepid readers. If you are willing to spend £1.50 on it, ask 63336 a question. Something, unusual – something that doesn’t have a set answer. Or something personal, whichever. I’d be fascinated to hear about your results!