Thoughts and scribblings of an overactive mind.

Rage

I call it the Wilhelmina Spark.

Named after Wilhelmina, my bitchy heroine from Ugly Betty – naturally. Every now and then something makes me so mad, so angry, that this little switch just flicks inside me and it makes me want to do away with morals and niceness altogether, forget about peoples feelings or anything like that, and makes me want to do anything possible to make what I want to happen, happen. If it means screwing people over, fine. If it means blackmail, lying, cheating – whatever.

A part of me knows that’s awful – but then a part of me thinks that’s good too. One of the things I hate most in life is feeling powerless. Now if I feel angry and powerless, that’s not a good mix at all. That’s like water and electricty, or fat people and choker necklaces (see, bitchy!) – it just doesn’t go. I think I get the Wilhelmina Spark because at least it makes me feel like I can do something about it, even if it means I don’t actually end up screwing over anyone or blackmailing anyone, and I actually just consume two boxes of fabs, sigh heavily and go to bed. But it at least makes me feel like I still hold some power, and I suppose if it stops my head exploding then it’s a good thing.

Let me explain what got me to this end. I had a really lovely weekend. Some quality Andrew time, some family time, some fireworks. Hobbycraft, Notcutts and Poundland all had cameos, so it was good! And what I was really looking forward to was right at the end of it all, sitting down with the laptop and starting to plan my Unbound account. What’s Unbound? Oh well, on Friday’s BBC Breakfast there was a slot about how publishing was about to get turned on its head, how it would now be easier for people who had thus far found it difficult to get published to actually see their work in print. Fantastic, said I. Basically, instead of one big wig deciding whether or not to take on your work, you pitch your Book to the world through this website called Unbound – you do a video, you write about you, about your work – and then if people like it they pledge money – they pay the website, and when you reach your target then Unbound will publish your book! Hooray! I get all excited, start planning the video, and how I can make it all stand out etc etc. Then I sit down about half an hour ago and go to the site and sign up. Brilliant….okay, so how to I actually get my work on there? Ah, a button that says “Authors” – great – I’ll click on that! And then…..oh…..wait, hang on……………..what? WHAT? THEY ONLY ACCEPT SUBMISSIONS FROM PUBLISHED AUTHORS OR LITERARY AGENTS!!!!!!!!!! That’s not turning publishing on it’s head at all!!!!!!!!! That’s exactly the same as a normal publisher!!!!!!!!! They didn’t, not for one second, mention ANYTHING about that on BBC Breakfast. Luring me in with their Flash Plug-in website and indie coolness. I am SO angry because I really feel conned. How is that better for people who can’t find their niche? It isn’t! You STILL need a literary agent first! ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!

I had half a mind to send them a nasty email, telling them how deceptive they were being, but I couldn’t bring myself to. So I just wrote a scary sounding facebook status and then came on here. But I do feel that little spark inside me, telling me I need to do something. I don’t know what, or how yet – but something needs to be done. This is getting bloody ridiculous now.

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